felicia, 18. messed up blog

Sometimes when I’m in the studio I feel so much but don’t know how to express it. You’re just in like a cave—life goes on without you. I started my album, and then when I ended my album everything in my life was different. I lost a lot of friends, ’cause my friends didn’t understand why I was so 24-7 and only knew how to say what I wanted to say through music. I’m not a good communicator. I get it from my dad. “

There’s nothing like stepping on stage; into a sold-out crowd of almost sixteen thousand people. What inspires me to keep me doing this everyday is the joy that I get when I sing on stage. It’s absolutely irreplaceable. With two years of of sobriety people think I have it all together, but in fact I’m just beginning. It’s easy for people to assume that everything is taken care of, and that I’m always camera-ready but in fact I wake up everyday like everyone else. I have the same worries, and fears that everyone does. 

FAVORITE MOVIES - BLACK SWAN (2010)
We all know the story. Virginal girl, pure and sweet; trapped in the body of a swan. She desires freedom, but only true love can break the spell. Her wish is nearly granted in the form of a prince. But before he can declare his love, her lustful twin, the Black Swan, tricks and seduces him. Devastated the White Swan leaps off a cliff, killing herself and in death finds freedom.

Where I am today… I still have my ups and downs, but I take it one day at a time. And I just hope that I can be the best that I can possibly be, not only for myself -  but also young people that are out there today that need someone to look up to.

Now I’m being healthy. But that’s the thing - an addiction is an addiction and you’re gonna deal with it for the rest of your life. And you’re gonna have days when you’re gonna struggle. I cannot tell you that I have not thrown up since treatment. I cannot tell you that I haven’t cut myself since treatment. I’m not perfect. This is a daily battle.

RF